


Finding Peace

by LuxLouise



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Returning Home, Teaching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22818628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuxLouise/pseuds/LuxLouise
Summary: Neville left England behind 5 years ago. When he returns home, will he be able to find his peace?
Relationships: Hannah Abbott/Neville Longbottom
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9
Collections: Love Fest 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lunamionny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunamionny/gifts).



> This has been so much fun and heartbreaking to write! I meant for this to be a drabble but Neville ran away with me! This was written for Lunamionny for the prompt she posted and also for Love Fest 2020!   
> #TeamAphrodite 
> 
> This hasn't been beta'd so all mistakes are mine! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It had been 5 years since Neville had stepped foot in England. When the battle was over, the funerals were complete, and all that was left was to put the wizarding world back together, Neville fled. 

The horrors that he had faced during the reign of terror that was the Carrow twins came crashing down on him. The entire year, he had pulled a sense of bravery and honor he hadn't known he had. The Room of Requirement became a safe haven for anyone who needed it during that year and he had started it all. When the abuse and torture of students had started shortly after the beginning of the start of term, Neville didnt even think before he dove head first into the fray.

Taking punishments for younger students, causing distractions, sometimes at the detriment to his own health, to save others from the Carrows and Filch became second nature. He wasn't sure his body would ever fully heal from the amount of crucios he took. Every one he was able to fight through was done so only by thinking of his parents. He would not dishonor his parents and the sacrifice they made to keep himself but succumbing to the same curse that had taken their minds from them.

When the battle was won, Neville didn't know what to do with himself. He just knew he was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of pain, tired of being a leader. He refused the offer to join the Auror Academy, the offer to return to Hogwarts to finish his education properly was returned with a politely worded refusal. He couldn't imagine returning to the scene of his nightmares so soon after. 

His grandmother agreed that perhaps he needed some time away to come to terms with what he had been through and helped him pack for a trip around the world. He wrote a letter to everyone important to him, visiting his parents to say goodbye, he left with no way for anyone to contact him except his grandmother. 

He had no plans really, just to be as far away from England as he could get. He went to India first. He loved the sights and smells, the culture. He then hopped from Greece to China. He spent two years studying plant life in New Zealand. He was slowly able to deal with his nightmares, his guilt at being one of the survivors, his depression that threatened to swallow him whole and never let go. Neville was finally able to let it all go and find himself again.

He kept in contact with his grandmother during his travels, sending her postcards from everywhere he visited, little trinkets and books he knew she would enjoy. She wrote to him to keep him updated on the changes the Wizarding World was seeing, his parents, and herself. She never told him about his friends or anyone he might know. He had asked her not too. It was too painful in the beginning and then it had been too long. He didn't know them anymore and they sure didn't know him. 

This didn't stop him from wondering. How were Harry and Ron fairing as Aurors? Had Hermione revolutionized the way magical creatures were seen? Had Ginny become a famous quidditch player like she had always wanted? Was Luna discovering more creatures only she could see? Then there was Hanna Abbot.

Hannah had been the only bright spot during the year of hell. She had tended to his wounds when he had been hurt and unable to go to the infirmary. She listened to him when he spoke of his parents, how scared he was about surviving, and held him while he cried. He wouldn't have made it through without her and her loving heart. 

He didn't see it coming, falling in love with Hannah. It snuck up on him one night when she was healing the deep gashes on his back from a whipping he had taken from Filch for helping a first year escape. She was so gentle in her healing but sharp with her words.   
"I don't know what to do with you Neville! Do you have any idea what you're doing to me? I never know what state you're going to be in when you crawl back to the room. I don't know what I would do without you Neville, you have to be more careful!" 

That was when he knew he loved her. When he was at his lowest, he would just think of her face and he could fight a little more, deal with a little more cursing. Leaving her was his biggest regret but he didnt feel it was the right thing to do to lay his burdens on her. He wasn't capable of being the man she needed him to be when it was all over. He had sent her a letter explaining that he was leaving, that he was sorry, that he couldn't breathe there right now. 

He left before he received an answer from her. He never asked his grandmother if one ever arrived. He wasn't sure he could handle what the answer might be. He tried his hardest to push her out of his mind with very little success. He saw her everywhere. The blue of the tulips he had created in Holland were the same color as her eyes, he would hear her voice in women passing him on the streets. He saw her every night in his dreams.

He held no illusions that she felt for him what he felt for her. Not after abandoning her when all was said and done. Although they hadn't been a couple in any sort of official capacity, he had hoped one day they might be. He knew he had screwed that up with leaving.

When he received a letter from his grandmother informing him that Headmistress Mcgonagall had contacted her about getting in touch with Neville for a teaching position, his mind immediately went to Hannah. He agreed to read the letter that was offering him the position of Herbology professor and head of Gryffindor. Professor Sprout was retiring and Neville was the only person she wanted as her successor. Pomona had written at the bottom of the letter six words.

It's time to come home Neville. 

Those words were how Neville found himself staring at the gates of Hogwarts waiting to be admitted. He had returned the previous week, spent time with his grandmother and his parents, read through all the letters he had received from his friends while he had been away. He had responded with letters of his own, making plans for lunches and dinners, but no apologies for disappearing. He didn't owe anyone an apology.

Except for Hannah. She hadn't written to him at all during his five year sabbatical from real life. He hadn't really expected her too but couldn't help but feel disappointed. He was still on the fence about sending her a letter telling her he had returned. She had made her stance clear by not writing to him and he couldn't blame her.

His musings were interrupted by Mcgonagall opening the gates for him   
"Mr Longbottom, it's been some time, I'm so pleased to see you looking well." She gave him a rare smile and pulled him in for a hug "You will be a wonderful addition to the staff."

Neville blushed slightly "Thank you headmistress, i'm pleased you all think so highly of me. I hope I'm able to live up to the expectations."

Mcgonagall scoffed "Of course you will, dear boy. Now, let's get you settled before dinner this evening."

Following Mcgonagall through the castle to an area he hadn't seen before, he was shown to his room.

"You'll set your own password once I leave, there's a living space, a small kitchen area, you aren't required to dine in the Great Hall except for special occasions, a bedroom, and this door here will lead you to your office. You'll be able to set your office hours using the runes around the doorway. Your office will only be visible to students during that time."

Neville looked around the office stunned "Are the students allowed in the part of the castle? I don't remember ever being here and I know I have been to several professors' offices."

Mcgonagall chuckled "That's the magic of Hogwarts dear boy, your office is attached to your room, but during your office hours it will also be visible to students on the first floor." 

"I could spend the rest of my life studying the magic of Hogwarts and I'm sure I still wouldn't scratch the surface of her secrets." Neville said in awe of his surroundings.

"I've often thought the same thing. Now then, dinner is in an hour in the staff room located on the 2nd floor, we'll be doing a meet and greet of sorts for you and the other new professors. I'll see you then." Mcgonagall gave him another smile and swept from the room.

Neville spent the next hour setting his password and his office hours. He had just started to unpack when he realized the time. Throwing a semi formal robe over his clothing, he set out to find the staff room. There were quite a few faces he recognized from his time as a student, including the diminutive Professor Flitwick and Hagrid of course. Then there were the faces of people he knew that he was surprised to see. Draco Malfoy who pulled him aside to apologize and to tell him as he was the potions professor, he would like to talk to Neville about collaborating on a project with him. Parvati Patil was the divination teacher, giving him a brief hug and a promise to catch up. Pansy Parkinson was a surprise. She was new that year and was taking over as a transfiguration teacher and had given him a small smile before continuing her conversation with Professor Vector. 

Neville was talking to Flitwick about his time in Greece when the door to the staff room opened and a voice he thought he would never hear again was speaking to Mcgonagall.

"I'm terribly sorry I'm so late Headmistress, I was trying to get all the potions sorted before I came down."

Nevilles mouth went dry as he stared at Hannah. She looked beautiful. Her blonde hair was longer than it had been, she still talked with her hands, although he had no idea what she was saying. All he could hear was a ringing in his ears.

Neville stepped forward as she turned around and they locked eyes.

"Hannah..."

The look on her face broke him. She went through several emotions very quickly. Relief, happiness, anger, then it became devoid of any emotion.

"Minerva, I'm so sorry, I'm suddenly not feeling well. I'll see you in the morning for the staff meeting." She turned on her heel and walked as quick as she could out the door.

Nevilles brain finally caught up with the rest of him, he ran after her "HANNAH! Please stop!" 

Hannah stopped, turned towards him slowly. With a look of pure heartbreak on her face, she looked Neville square in the eye "Don't speak to me Neville, I have nothing to say to you. Leave me alone."

She then turned and fled around the corner, leaving Neville in the corridor feeling like his entire world had collapsed on top of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apparently cant control this story.

Chapter 2

Neville didn't seek Hannah out. Merlin how he wanted to though. She avoided his gaze during the welcome feast and was rarely seen anywhere but the hospital wing. He considered injuring himself just to get her attention but that plan was abandoned when Draco Malfoy pointed out she had every right to avoid him.

Malfoy became a surprising friend to Neville. The day after the meet and greet, he had sought Neville out to discuss a potion he was working on and needed advice on some rare ingredients he thought Neville may be able to help him procure. Neville knew it was a project given to him by the Ministry and St. Mungo, he wasn't aware of what the potion did. They found themselves having discussions daily when their schedules would allow it. Neville realised rather quickly that Draco was a different person than he had been during school and they were able to move past their school yard animosity with no fuss.

Neville had confessed his feelings for Hannah to Draco one evening in the Hogs Head and Draco had become a firm ally for Neville. They had had several lunches with all the old crowd from Hogwarts, Draco having long ago become friendly with most of them in the five years Neville had been gone. They had an easy friendship, which wasn't something either of them had ever had.

They were lounging in Dracos room, grading papers when Draco brought up an interesting idea. "Have you considered writing to her?"

Neville looked up "Hannah? Why would I write to her? She's here in the castle with us. She would probably burn them on sight."

Draco rolled his eyes and stretched "Yes, but she cant stop you from writing them. You don't need to tell her you're in love with her. Just explain to her what you told me. Why you needed to leave, how you felt when you decided to go traveling. She's obviously still hurt by what happened and that speaks to her having feelings for you. If she didn't, she wouldn't care enough to avoid you."

Neville thought about what he said for awhile, the idea had its merits. "I guess I could try it, it can't possibly make the situation worse I suppose."

"Just explain what was going on in your head in the first letter. If she talks to you after, beg for forgiveness. If she doesn't, keep writing. Tell her about a different place you went in each letter."

It was a good plan. He could tell her about the mountains in Switzerland, the Pyramids in Egypt. Everywhere he went, he had a story for and something he saw that reminded him of her. "Okay, I'll write the letter. I have nothing left to lose at this point."

Pulling out some of his nice stationary, Neville paused, trying to decide where to start.

Hannah,  
I hope you don't burn this on sight. I know you've been avoiding me and I know I deserve it. I never should have left without speaking to you first. I was a mess when the war ended. There was so much pain and loss surrounding everything. I couldn't breathe the longer I stayed. I was a shell of the person I was before. 

During the war, you are the only thing that kept me sane and fighting. Knowing I would be able to see your face, have you there to heal me, kept me going. It made me able to keep fighting, to try to protect as many other students as possible. I know you hated how I put myself in harm's way, but I couldn't stand by and do nothing. The way you made me feel, well, i dont think it's appropriate to put into a letter.

The past five years I've thought about you constantly. I saw you everywhere I went. I missed you with every fiber on my soul. I hated myself for not explaining how I felt for you, for abandoning you.

I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me.

I miss you Hannah

Yours,  
Neville Longbottom

Satisfied with his letter, Neville began to roll the scroll up to take to the owlery. 

"Hang on a moment, I don't even get to read it? It was my idea!" Draco was looking put out, holding his hand out for the letter.

"Absolutely not. I'm not giving you any chance to take the piss out of me."

Draco sighed and crossed his arms "Fine, in exchange for my fantastic idea, I expect you to name your first born child after me. It's the least you can do."

Neville snorted "Absolutely not, Draco Longbottom? Not going to happen. I'll be back, I'm going to owl this to her now."

As Yule was fast approaching, Neville was beginning to lose hope of Dracos idea ever working. He had sent Hannah 6 letters and had received no response to any of them. Neville was heading back from the greenhouses, lost in thought about what to next, he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings. In true Longbottom fashion, he tripped over a step and went head first into a tree.

"If you did this on purpose to get my attention, I will hex you."

Hannah's face was swimming above his own as Neville slowly came too. She didn't look angry, she looked like she was trying not to be concerned. 

"Seriously Neville, do you have any idea how I felt, seeing you levitated in here, unconscious and bleeding. I've seen that enough to last a lifetime."

Neville grabbed Hannah's hand "It was an accident, truly. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I wouldn't want to worry you Hannah. I'm sorry."  
Hannah jerked her hand free from his grip and turned away "Wouldn't want to worry me? Well, there's a first time for everything I suppose. You'll be fine by morning, then you can go."  
She started to walk away, Neville tried to jump.tk his feet and the room spun.  
"You absolute idiot, Neville Longbottom! You have a concussion and a head wound that just stopped bleeding! Lay down this instant!"

"Hannah please! Just listen to me! I never intended to worry you when I left! Please just let me explain!"

Hannah crossed her arms with a huff "I've read your letters Neville, you've explained plenty. You apologized plenty. However, that just because you're sorry doesn't mean I'm obligated to forgive you! You're a first rate prat who only thinks about himself."

Hannah had started to cry and Neville was trying desperately not to jump up and pull her to him.

"You left me! A letter saying you couldn't handle everything and needed some space and then nothing! Nothing for five years Neville! You could've been dead for all I knew! You made me feel things...I cant. I can't do this. You broke me, you broke my heart. I've managed to put it back together as much as I can but it's just barely holding together. You think I don't want to throw myself into your arms? To kiss you breathless? Of course I want those things! I've thought of little else but you since you left! I understand you had things you needed to deal with. We all did! Here's the thing though, I was alone. My entire family was dead. I had no one to help me. No one to hold me when I woke up screaming from a nightmare. No one to talk to when I felt like I was suffocating from the darkness that threatened to consume me. You were my rock through the entire last year here. You kept me sane. Then you left without any thought to how I was doing. A few letters won't change that Neville."

Hannah turned and walked quickly from the room. Neville sat there, stunned. She was right. He had been so caught up in his feelings, he hadn't even considered that she was struggling, that she would be alone.

He felt like a first rate prat. Rolling over, Neville started to think about what he needed to do to show Hannah he could be there for her. He just hoped he wasn't too late.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending, for now.

Chapter 3

When Neville woke the next morning, there was a pain potion and a note on his side table informing him he could leave as soon as he woke up. Hannah was nowhere in sight.

He went to his rooms to change clothes and prepare for the day ahead. A sharp knock to the door revealed Draco who looked quite cross.   
A smack to the head told Neville that Draco wasn't pleased.   
"You ran into a tree Longbottom. Not only that, you hit it so hard, you knocked yourself out. I found you in a pool of your blood. It's an experience I found myself not very fond of during the war and I don't appreciate you reminding me how much I dislike such things." He was standing with his arms crossed, looking anywhere but Neville.

"It was honestly an accident. I didn't know you had found me. I'm sorry, truly for having to see that." Neville tried to pat Draco's arm, but he pulled away. 

"Yes well let's not make a habit of it, shall we? Any progress with Hannah while you were there?"

Neville sighed as they walked out the door together "She yelled at me. A lot. I deserve it I know, and she opened my eyes to some things. I think I know what to do though."

"Anything I can help with?" Neville laughed  
"I've got this one, thanks though."

That evening after classes, Neville opened a compartment of his trunk that was shimmering from the strength of the statis spell he had on it. Slowly, he pulled each item out. A blue tulip, cherry chocolates, a gold necklace, several books, and finally a intricately carved wooden box he had found in a shop in Tibet. The old muggle man he bought it from said it was a wishing box, you wrote your wishes down and locked them in the box. Neville grabbed a piece of parchment, wrote something down and put it inside. Carefully wrapping everything up, he added a note to the top of the box

Hannah,  
All of the items in this, I bought for you while I was away, they all made me think of you. I hope you enjoy them.

Neville

He left the box outside her office door in the infirmary and returned to his room to finish packing for the Yule holiday with a knot in his stomach and a heavy heart. 

The next day, Neville was walking towards Hogsmeade so he could travel home to see his gran when he heard a shout behind him.

Turning to look, he saw Hannah running down the hill with a note in her hand, yelling his name. She stopped dead right in front of him, breathing hard.

"Why would you write this? Why? I cant..I just...Neville.."

"You needed to know. I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped, you were on my mind the entire time I was gone. I had to tell you, just once."

Hannah stared at him long enough that he started to shift nervously.  
"Look Hannah, I understand you don't.."

Suddenly his arms were full, her mouth pressed firmly to his. He scooped her up, holding her tightly in case she decided to run for it.

"I never gave up on you Neville, I love you so much. The ache I felt when you left consumed me. I love you."

Neville grinned "I love you Hannah Abbott and I will do everything in my power to show you that for the rest of my life."

Pressing his forehead to hers, Neville felt a sense of calm and peace wash over him. He had her and he would never let her go again


End file.
